A Day in the Akatsuki Base
by Rota Erc
Summary: The Akatsuki base is filled with dangerous S-class criminals. Among those criminals is a woman. Not only is she the only female, she plays the level-headed mother to those bratty men. What will become of Konan in the lion's den of men?


Konan was not at all prepared for what met her in the morning.

"No, no, no, no! Tobi is a GOOB BOY!" squealed the Akatsuki member with the orange mask.

Hidan, obviously disgusted, dangled the young member from the ceiling.

"Shut up, shut up!"

Konan, casually ignoring them, sneaked to the fridge.

The Akatsuki den was full of obnoxious, S-class criminalized males.

And only one beautiful female.

She sighed as she chugged down the milk straight from the container. How could she, who always maintained such eloquence in the face of these members, survive? She crushed it, and threw the carton away.

"Konan-neechan! Help me!" squealed Tobi, swinging back and forth to avoid Hidan's reach.

"Shut up, you little brat! If this wasn't a teen-rated fan fiction, I'd be cursing like a drunken Jounin!"

Konan sighed.

"Hidan, let him down."

"No, no, no, no! Tobi is a GOOD boy!"

"I outta slice the life out of you!"

"Hidan, leave Tobi alone...Hey are you even listening to me?"

"Nooooo! Help! Tobi is a good boy! Stupid, moron, idiot!"

"What?! You little..."

She didn't need ask. It was obvious he wasn't.

Before Tobi could squeal once more, Konan threw a paper crane directly at Hidan.

It raised its white wings and split into a thousand copies of itself. They flew in circles around Hidan, embalming him like a comical mummy. Hidan desperately slashed at them, reducing some to pieces.

"What the hell?! What is this shit?"

Tobi fell to the ground with a thump and a scream.

Konan crossed her legs as she sat on one of the few surviving chairs.

"How does it feel to be the victim here?"

An angry howl came from the unshapely cocoon.

She smiled, and snapped her fingers. The paper fell away at her feet.

It revealed a disgruntled Hidan.

"What the hell is wrong with you, you stupid *****?! I'll cut you up into little pieces, Jashin willing!"

Konan rolled her eyes in her mind. How long was it going to take Hidan to stop this religious Jashin issue?

Ignoring his threats and loud curses, she headed to the bathroom quickly; fearing that just maybe she caught Hidan's stupidity. On the way there, she bumped into Itachi.

"Oh! Ohayo, Itachi-chan!"

Itachi brushed past her without a word.

She frowned.

What's wrong with him?

Suddenly, a tortured scream shook the base.

Konan started and rushed to the kitchen to the origin of the said scream.

Deidara was kneeling in front of the open fridge, his mouth open comically.

He turned his head, and his shocked blue eyes met Konan's.

"My..."

My...d-..."

Kona put on her best concerned face. "Deidara, what happened?"

He gulped as if a large tumor had finally blocked that nasty little throat.

If only, she thought evilly.

"My dango...is gone."

Now it was her turn to look surprised.

"What did you say? Your dango is gone?"

Deidara nodded pitifully and stared at the empty plate with a forlorn look.

"I just bought it. It was an once-in-a-lifetime special dango special! The Bunny Dango!"

Konan just stared at him.

Deidara started to speed up.

"How could somebody just steal it?! I wrote my fricking name on it! Who stole it???!!"

"Dango?" a voice said behind Konan.

Sasori stood behind her, no longer wearing his armor Hiruko.

Sasori continued to speak.

"If you're wondering about the dango, I saw Itachi take it."

Deidara's eyes widened and his mouth formed into a snarl.

"Itachi. Took. My. Dango?"

He let out an angry yell and proceeded towards Itachi's bedroom.

"Itachi! Come out you dango-stealing raven!"

Shortly after this proclamation, a satisfying explosion rocked the base.

Sasori smirked and retreated to his puppet room.

Konan had a feeling that Sasori played some part in this specific Deidara tantrum.

Konan, returning to her senses, just sighed.

Why was she looking after these supposedly fearsome S-class missing-nins?

She walked outside and let out a big breath.

But...Nagato needed her. No, Pein needed her.

She would just have to tough it out.

She let in the cool air, and pushed back the paper flower in her hair.

A shadow crossed behind her.

A hand reached out, and landed on her shoulder.

Konan screamed.


End file.
